Heavy

Abe was born a worrisome five weeks early. It didn’t take a doctor to determine why the premature evacuation took place; as soon as Melinda held her frail new creation it was evident that he was, for lack of any known medical term describing his condition, heavy.  Though Abraham Isaac Goldberg was of average size for an infant five weeks premature, he weighed an astonishing thirteen pounds. He simply fell out.

He was a smelly vomiting scientific anomaly.  His first earthly sensations were of the soft-bosomed nurses who took turns holding him with amazement – an occurrence that may or may not have played a factor in his eventual detachment from his mother.

After extensive testing confirmed his general good health, Baby Abe was taken home where he was put on display to a cavalcade of friends and relatives until his weight became more an inconvenience than a wonder.

The only relics from that period of his life were a birth certificate with the astonishing poundage highlighted, and the framed tabloid clipping of a story with the headline “GOVERNMENT TOP SECRET EUGENICS PROGRAM RESULTS IN LEAD BABY”.

Abe knew at a young age why he weighed so much: his thoughts were of unnatural density. They weren’t of above average intensity or wisdom – they simply weighed a lot. That and there was some organ within him that seemed to catch his thoughts, giving gravity more power over his skinny body. He’s pretty sure it’s his liver.