Scott: Topher and Ryan

Seated on the living-room couch in Clarvoia (the name of the house the boys rent) are (left to right) Topher’s girlfriend LACEE, TOPHER, and RYAN.  As LACEE and TOPHER enjoy an intimate conversation, RYAN interjects periodically with little regard to their ignoring him.  RYAN is all the while consuming massive amounts of peanut butter with a spoon right from the jar.

LACEE:  Okay remember when I was like “Oh screw this” and I totally blew my final epic poem thing for my writing class?  Remember how I didn’t try at all and just wrote ridiculously melodramatic stuff?  Okay, my professor emailed me yesterday and said he liked it so much he thinks I should get it published!  Isn’t that crazy?!

RYAN:  You know what’s crazy?  These chimpanzees, are you guys watching this? (refering to the TV)

TOPHER:  Are you serious?  Wait, have I read this one?

LACEE:  Um, I think so.  Do you remember, it’s about pictures on the wall.

TOPHER:  Oh yeah, and there’s a little earthquake that knocks them all down?

LACEE:  Yeah!  Can you believe it?!

RYAN:  Seriously!  I had no idea they could learn sign language so well! (Again, refering to what’s on TV.  He is faining obliviousness for his own amusement)  

TOPHER:  That’s pretty sweet.

LACEE:  Yeah, but it’s kind of depressing if you think about it.  I mean, it’s starting to seem like the pieces I find repugnant are the only ones that get any attention.

RYAN:  Okay guys, serious question.

LACEE and TOPHER acknowledge RYAN’s query.

RYAN:  (melodramatically)  Why is iliteracy considered a serious problem in this world?  Is it not because millions of capable adults are missing out on the whole textual universe simply because they lack proper schooling?  So now that we know chimpanzee’s can communicate this well via sign language, isn’t it our, nay MY, moral obligation to liberate the masses of monkeys that remain languageless simply because they lack the resources?!  (he shovles a spoonful of peanut butter into his mouth as he waits for a response)

LACEE:  (standing)  Maybe you should write a letter to your Congressman.

TOPHER:  (to LACEE)  You gotta go?

LACEE:  I should.  I have work in the morning.

RYAN:  Alright bye.

TOPHER gets up and walks her to the door.  RYAN turns off the TV.  TOPHER sits back down.

TOPHER:  Dude, do you have to eat so much PB?  You know Lacee’s deathly allergic.

RYAN:  I know, I’m sorry.  It’s just, eating something that has the power to kill makes it all-the-more alluring.  Like I’m eating snake venom or something.      

Scott: “Hey Dude”

RYAN is walking to work when a random guy opens a third story window and sticks his head out.  There’s evidence of some kind of party going on inside and he could very well be tipsy.

GUY:  (politely yelling)  Hey Dude.

RYAN turns toward him in response.

GUY:  Hey, you’re in my Chemistry class right?

RYAN:  I’m not taking Chemistry.

GUY:  Oh, no I know.  Asian Civilizations?

RYAN:  Nope.

GUY:  Okay, is it Calculus or English, then?

RYAN:  Sorry, I’m actually not taking any classes.

GUY:  Oh… sorry.  Take it easy Dude.

GUY closes the window.

Good Goblins: A Scene in a Church

INT. CHURCH – DAY

The church is old, sort of retro looking with high sloping ceilings and wooden support-beams. The service is already underway. A chubby lady with large pearl earrings directs a hymn enthusiastically with a waving of her hands. She sings in a dramatic opera-style, while everyone else in the audience follows along lamely.

Camera follows BETH, KEVIN and FATHER as they slip in the backdoor and try to find somewhere to sit.

BETH looks uncomfortable, with a colorful kerchief on her head that clashes dramatically with her flowery patterned dress. She tugs awkwardly at the bottom of her skirt. They all hesitate for a moment in the back of the aisle, before FATHER spots an empty bench somewhere near the front.

BETH looks on in dismay as she realizes the only seat is behind the Gunther family with their 4 long-haired sons.

As they take their seats, one of the older ones turns to acknowledge them quietly. This opens the floodgates: their single mother (with equally long and illustrious locks) turns too and beams her brightest smile at the newcomers. As she does, all four boys turn too. Craning their necks slightly in silent stares as (they do not mirror her bright smile, but stare wide-eyed rather unabashedly).

MRS. GUNTHER: Hey there Joseph, Beth…

Said in a bright summery tone, although whispered.

FATHER nods in polite acknowledgement.

BETH strains a giant smile then grabs the hymnbook quickly flipping the pages in front of her face, making a show of finding the hymn as MRS. GUNTHER and sons  all turn back around. KEVIN immediately slumps over with his head in his lap.

CUT TO INT. CHURCH -  DAY

Later in the service.

An older man wearing suspenders, glasses and holding crinkled yellow papers rambles on inaudibly at the pulpit. The camera pans slowly across the audience from above. It is clear that many people are not paying attention.

An old woman with a small purse clutched to her chest dozes off.

Another woman (the chubby choir director) sitting several rows up is flipping through the TV guide circling programs.

Several toddlers squirm under benches chasing trucks or cheerios.

A husband gives a wife a back massage.

Focus in on BETH and her family. FATHER stares at the speaker attentively.

BETH is also staring forward quietly. She is still and motionless, but her eyes are obviously focused just slightly off center from the speaker. She is staring into space.

KEVIN is still slumped over in his chair as he was from the beginning of the service.

As the speaker finishes his talk, and sits down lamely the organ starts suddenly, jolting many of the congregants back to reality.  There is a bustle as everyone grabs for their hymn books. The attention in the room has very visibly changed, as the rhythm of the service changes and everyone is paying more attention to the task at hand: singing.

FATHER grabs the book this time.

Despite the visible rift in the room, BETH continues sitting stock still and staring into space. The audience launches into the verses.

The chubby director waves her hands enthusiastically.

An open and ruffled TV guide can be seen lying on her empty bench.

After a few lines, FATHER nudges BETH. She jolts back to reality and begins singing quietly.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

People stream out of the chapel.

BETH rips the bandana from her head as she walks to the car with her father and brother.

FATHER: Hey, wanna drive?

He jangles the keys in his palms and looks to Beth with a little smile

After walking a few steps, pausing a few beats…

BETH: No.

KEVIN: I’ll drive!

He looks hopeful. FATHER looks skeptical. The camera focuses on BETH as she stands leaning against the back door, one hand placed carefully atop her bald head.

She stares for the briefest moment at the Gunther family, who are exiting the church at a distance.

In a second it appears that the FATHER has caved, and Kevin unlocks the drivers door, and climbs in. FATHER gets in the passenger side, and turns to unlock the back.

BETH crawls in gingerly. She holds her bandana in her lap. The car pulls out of the parking lot.

Camera pans up from focusing on BETH’S hands playing with the bandana, to her face as a few silent tears slip down her cheek.

Scott: Three short scenes

RYAN, BETH, TOPHER, and MORDECAI are hanging out around camp.  BETH picks a tiny desert plant with a flower on it and looks at it.

TOPHER:  I dare you to eat that.

BETH eats it.

MORDECAI:  How do you know that’s not poisonous?  I’m serious you could drop down dead any minute.

RYAN:  In that case…

RYAN picks the same kind of plant and promptly eats it.

MORDECAI:  (as the others start to laugh)  Whatever you guys.  It’s your funeral.

 

Scene II

RYAN:  Yeah but eventually I’ll move into an apartment that already has a bed and then what would I do with the one I already have?

BETH:  Sell it.

RYAN:  I never really saw myself as a person who buys and sells beds.  You know?  I mean first I’m buying and selling beds and the next thing you know I’m picking out paper to put on my wall.  And if I ever reach the point in life where I’m choosing one form of tree to put on another form of tree, you have my permission to kill me.  Or worse; tickle me.

BETH:  How did you get so anti-wallpaper?

RYAN:  Well, I don’t know I just…  That’s a good question I mean my whole family is pretty much for the papering of walls.  Well…my brother read some book in high school about some billionaire CEO who abandoned his empire, moved to Kazhakstan and took up falconry.  I never read it but it had a real effect on him.  So he got me into this way of thinking where I just don’t buy into the generic concept of happiness.

BETH:  Wow, that’s cool that you and your brother are so close.

RYAN:  I guess… That was a long time ago…

 

Scene III

RYAN:  Have you ever had a crying contest?  You know, see who can make yourself cry the fastest?

BETH:  Oh I don’t think I’d be any good at that…

RYAN:  It’s actually easier than you might think.  You just have to think of something sad and then fixate on it.  I usually think of this time I caught my dad crying after my grandpa died.  It’s weird, I had no emotions about my grandpa’s death but seeing my dad like that…  Anyway it seems difficult but even if you can only think of something little you just need to…

BETH bursts into tears.  She takes her sobs to RYAN’s shoulder.  After a good long cry, her tears turn into soft laughter.  When RYAN feels the mood lighten, he too laughs at the situation.

BETH:  (sniffling through tears)  I really loved that hampster…

They laugh again.  

 

rambling through the plot

Okay! At LONG last. I am going to go through what we have so far and ask questions, make suggestions and propositions.

Well, the beginning feels pretty well thought out. I like that idea for a first scene, it felt right when you showed it to me last winter and I still like it.

I am currently working on formatting it into screenplay form. That will be posted sometime in the morning!

So Ryan&co and Beth+family meet up on the roadside and find they are all going to Goblin Valley. They camp near each other; Beth and Ryan hit it off.

This is to the slight apprehension of Beth’s dad? I imagine that he is not very confrontational, but he gets frustrated with Beth because it was supposed to be this family bonding thing, and she keeps wandering off with a sketchy looking guy with long hair, instead of participating whole-heartedly in their family activities.

On the other end, maybe Ryan’s interest in Beth is to the mild chagrin of his friends. Much like the Beth/family scenario— their campout was supposed to be male-bonding type experience… “just the guys.”   Maybe one of them (maybe Ryan?) just got dumped and the goal of the whole excursion was to get away from girls for a few days. It could be Ryan. Maybe it wasn’t a serious relationship, so he’s not too devastated. But it could be one in a stint of several very unsuccessful little flings. And finally his friends are like “we gotta get you out of here!”

 Or, I guess you DID say it was spring break.  So that’s another reason.

I imagine them (Ryan’s friends) as being sort of light-hearted about everything though. (you know, in a clearly joking manner saying things like: “a bald girl, dude? Seriously?” ) Ryan is the most intense and emotional of the group, but can switch into guy-joking mode when he needs to (if they did make a comment like that he might just say something like “shutup guys. She’s really nice.” or whatever). Maybe they are also skeptical because they are clear city people (SLC snobs!) and automatically discount small-town girls (you know, like 95% of people from SLC think Provo is a joke?)

I think Ryan is the only one who is originally from out-of-state. I imagine Chris and (I am totally just throwing this name out there but for some reason I like it) Mordecai (Mordy or Mort for short!)  are born/raised in Utah.

Okay so after Goblin Valley they both go to their separate homes. Right? So how do they arrange to meet again? How long is it in between? How deeply did they become involved in just a few days? Did they leave with the mutual understanding that they had (for definite sure, no-doubt-about-it) started something that would continue? Or was there some hesitation and doubt about whether or not they would see much of each other after parting ways? I mean, lots of times when you meet someone so spontaneously like that (I am thinking of my Joe-on-the-airplane experience) it kind of feels like you were in a different world for that brief time, and once you return to the real-world that person might sort of fade away. Too-good-to-be-true type feeling. 

I think Beth would definitely have some reservations…or be hesitant. She probably hasn’t dated ANYONE since getting sick. I mean she would be completely caught up in the moment at first (running off alone with Ryan), but when they both think about leaving the Valley, she might feel unsure of how it could continue. Or whether she wants it to.

Does she leave him her phone-number? Do they agree to meet somewhere?

Maybe they leave it totally ambivalent. Kind of like “well— if I see you, I see you.” (which would be tortuous for Ryan, but Beth likes it in a way)

I think she likes it mostly because she learns from Ryan, in seemingly passing conversation, where he works (I’m thinking at a bookstore or the library). and she, one day when she goes to SLC (not too long after returning), decides to find him. She has had time to mull it over, and this would be a gesture…. one of her overcoming the initial  hesitation and giving the final word, saying “it’s okay”.  (I’m thinking back to that line of dialogue you penned. Maybe instead of:

RYAN:  Beth, I don’t want to make things weird but I really like you.  Is that okay?

BETH:  (thinking hard)  Yes.

Beth could just respond with that vague “mmmm” sound, and a smile. But not give a definitive answer. You know the “mmmm” sound I’m talking about? Lots of times people take it as an affirmative, but it isn’t always that clear.

Maybe she could check-out/buy a book on Brazil from him! And he’s surprised (but really happy) to see her.  And then they go to a coffee shop after. Or a café. Or to the park. Or something more creative I can’t think of.

An idea:While Beth starts dating Ryan it is supposed to be like he is “pulling her into another world”To give this feeling we need to make a clear distinction between their lives.The best time to do this, I think, is after they both return from their little chance meet-up in Goblin valley.This could be shown through a montage that depicts them both returning to their separate lives.

Ryan visitng all his usual haunts (which are like, what? Friend’s apartments, his work… Shows…anything that can show the rhythm of his city life.) and Beth visiting hers (small-town grocery store. Her brother’s school. Some sort of group for those recovering from cancer? Obviously her side of the montage will be made to feel much more slow-paced.)

Montage can end with her wandering into salt lake and “running into” Ryan again (on purpose).

Okay. That’s all I’ve got as far as rambling through the plot for now. I will end with one BIG question.

BIG question: in this script are we ONLY focusing on the Ryan/Beth love story. I feel like it is important that we pull in a few other elements. Maybe some side-stories can be woven through to give it more dimensions. Maybe those stories will come up naturally in the process of creation, though….just as we get to know each character better and the people/places that make up their worlds.

Scott: Alopecia Areata

Ryan and his buds are driving to Goblin Valley for their spring break campout.  They’re on the road in Ryan’s friend Chris’s convertible, which has no roof (they put a tarp over it when it rains).

The opening credits appear as they cut through the desert. These opening shots feature the orange/red scenery, the song Ship Caught in the Bay by The Frames, and shots of Ryan’s long hair being blown in the wind. I worrisome noise is heard from the bowels of the vehicle so they pull over and put on their emergency lights.

Beth is wearing one of her many bandanas on her head.  She’s in the “way” back of her family van with her dad and fourteen-year-old brother in the front.  For fun, they are communicating over a brand new pair of walkie-talkies…

“Papa to princess, I’m detecting the possibility of intelligent life forms.  We’re going in for a landing.”

They pull over to help some boys in a broken down convertible with its emergency lights on.

Dad gets out and after opening the hood and looking in determines that the vehicle is “dehydrated.”  He radios to “Princess” for a bottle of luke-warm water.  We find out that they are all going to the same place.  Ryan catches a glimpse of the radio frequency.

After both parties are back on the road, Ryan decides to drop in on their frequency with his own walkie-talkie.  He hears mostly static but catches a few cute, witty exchanges.  Thus a seed of interest is planted.

Scott: Good Goblins

BETH and RYAN come into view from behind one peculiar-shaped rock and sit atop another. As they talk, their eyes more-or-less remain fixed on their surroundings, giving their exchanges a light-minded quality.

BETH: I think they’re good goblins.

RYAN: Yeah? What makes you say that?

BETH: I don’t know, I just think of all things that are stuck as good.

RYAN: Well you are obviously a good creature so… I’m guessing you’re stuck too?

BETH: (ignoring the question) This place is so… weird, I don’t know. It’s beautiful but it feels more outside than any outside I’ve experienced before.

RYAN: I know what you mean, it’s so out-of-this world. I always say on the East Coast you’re in the landscape and right here I get a definite on the landscape feeling.

BETH: Oh, when were you on the East Coast?

RYAN: Actually, I wasn’t. I just say that. Someday…

BETH: Yeah, I’ve always wanted to go to Europe…

RYAN: Europe, Africa, India, New Zealand, Nepal, Brazil. And not just visit like a tourist. I don’t think I can go to these places and not live there, ya know? Oh MAN (his eyes get big and a chuckle of pure excitement falls out of his mouth as he thinks about it)! If I had the money I’d just get up and go. Right now. I’d go to the airport and ask for a ticket and when they ask me “where to?” I’d just smile and say “You choose.”

BETH smiles and sits closer. RYAN looks into her eyes. BETH looks away and blushes.

BETH: (trying to not change the subject) If I had the money I’d…

RYAN: (still looking into her eyes, he interrupts) Beth?

She turns back towards him in response. As if asking permission with his hands, RYAN reaches up slowly. When BETH doesn’t resist he gently takes the bandana off her head. They share a moment. Then…

RYAN: So… If you had the money you’d…?

BETH: (trying to get used to her head being visible) I’d um… buy a popsicle.

RYAN: That’s an expensive popsicle.

BETH: Well, yeah it’s in Brazil so I’d have to buy a plane ticket first.

RYAN: (smiles) I like you.

BETH: Brazil has some good popsicles, I hear.

RYAN: Beth, I don’t want to make things weird but I really like you. Is that okay?

BETH: (thinking hard) Yes.

(awkward pause)

RYAN: Okay cool. Um, so there’s this place by my house…

BETH: Wait, sorry. What do you like about me? Specifically.

RYAN: Blank

BETH: Hhhhmm.

RYAN: I mean it’s completely… enchanting. Did you know you’re enchanting?

Scott: This Is the Stuff

Okay, one more future me letter.  I find these SO interesting.  Way more interesting than a lot of movies…

Dear FutureMe,
I hope that you’ve had a break in the depression. By the time you get this it will be your personal christmas season and you’ll probably think that you’re not going to make it but what you have to remember is that you’re stronger than you think and you’ve sure as hell been through worse. Just don’t hitch your dreams to someone elses star, do something nice for yourself, take steps to live your dreams and it will all work out nicely in the end for you. remember above all else that your son loves you so much that at 12 he’s gone back to calling you mommy – even when other people are around sometimes and that makes you feel good, cause you know that he knows that maybe that’s not the coolest thing on the earth, but right now – even in middle school he thinks that you’re pretty damn cool and even wants you to take the time to take him to school on the first day. Life for you isn’t easy right now, he’s a young man and you know that he’s trying to test his place in the scheme of things and be the man of the house and that chores and listening to mom might feel rather emasculating at times, but keep at it and he’ll grow into a good young man.
Remember how he changed your life and hug and kiss him whenever he’ll let you and try not to let things like fucked up relationships and old scars get you down cause fuck all if you’re not a different person now than you were then in almost every way. the weight will come off and you’ll fit in your old clothes again and even now men look at you like you’re a prize sometimes and like that guy said to you that one time, it wouldn’t hurt to smile at people sometimes outside of work cause having someone like you smile at them makes them feel good. you are that someone…
P.S. I think that picture of past you with all the stitches in your head is lurking around the bookcase in your room somewhere… you always end up finding it on accident but never when you want it. please please please burn it. make it a ceremony. let it go. say a prayer. i’m praying for you now.

Isn’t that INCREDIBLE?!  What an interesting person.  I’ve noticed while reading these that tons of people stress about their weight a lot.  I should be more grateful I don’t have that problem.  Also, note the use of the “F” word.  Hhhhhmmmm…

THIS is why I’m interested in film.  Not for the “good writing” or “good directing”, but for the good people.  In my opinion art is only as good as its ability to reveal that innate goodness in life.  And also, “There’s a connection between truth and reality.  Our sacred mission (as filmmakers) is to find it” is a quote from a documentarian I really like.

Please respond in some form.

Scene: Hypnotism

After the camping trip…

INT. The Goodliving (that’s their last name) House. BETH is lying on the couch trying to be serious (she’s been a little giddy ever since they got back). KEVIN (that’s her brother) is sitting in a chair facing the back of her head at a diagonal angle, holding a book on hypnotism.

KEVIN: Okay seriously, you can’t relax if you’re laughing.

BETH: Sorry.

KEVIN: Alright. It’s simple – close your eyes and breath.

BETH: (closing eyes) Am I breathing in any particular fashion?

KEVIN: Just… please.

BETH: Kay

KEVIN: (slowly, in a softer tone of voice) Alright, obviously you can feel all of you, but now you need to notice those feelings you normally take for granted. Start with your fingers. Sense their presence, individually. Use all your senses… Actually, no just feel them. Okay now your arms. You’re running your mind over your body like a river… Beth?

BETH: (deeply relaxed) Huh?

KEVIN: I accidentally used your toothbrush to clean the toilet bowl on Saturday.

BETH: (in a daze) What?

KEVIN: Nothing, you’re doing great.

BETH: Oh.

KEVIN: Okay. Now I’m going to count down from ten. Every step closer to zero your body will get heavier. At first you’ll be more aware of your body pressing against the couch but when I get to five you’ll get so heavy that you’ll sink through the couch, into a safe place where you will float. When I get to zero I’ll clap my hands and you will no longer be in our living room but in a safe, happy realm where you will be totally comfortable and… do whatever I say. Does that sound alright?

BETH: Kevin?

KEVIN: Yes Beth, I’m here.

BETH: If this whole hypnotism thing doesn’t work out, will you be devastated?

KEVIN: Beth, I haven’t even counted yet…

BETH: No I mean… overall, not just today.

KEVIN: Well, overall I guess I just want to be happy. And actually for just today my goals can basically be summarized as a desire to convince you to let me wear your shirt to auditions tomorrow.

BETH: Awe Kevin, you don’t have to hypnotize me to borrow my shirt. Just ask and I’ll tell you “no.”

KEVIN: Thanks, Sis.

Scott: Show and Tell: FutureMe.org

The concept is simple: Send an email to yourself in the future. It’s an extremely personal thing to do – different from writing in a journal. Yet once you’ve done it once, the coolness is over. The real reason I’m showing and telling about this site is because infinitely more interesting than writing to yourself is reading what other people have written to themselves. There are some really good ones and I think this could be used as a deep well of life that can be drawn from when brainstorming story and character ideas.

Here’s an example:

Dear FutureMe,

I hope by now you have things figured out and you’ve learned to let go of the past… it’s over…you can’t go back… stop dwelling on it and live in the present and work for your future… let your memories be a constant joy and not the sorrow that you have let them be before… If you are still with beth…congratulations…she is a great girl and will make you happy…if you are not…this is also good it means you are following your heart and doing what you need…. hope you have still kept up with the Contact juggling as this is something that I am hoping to be very good at in a year’s time…if I am smart (and not the lazy ass I have been) I should have you hauled out of debt by the time you read this…CANCEL ALL CREDIT CARDS AND LOANS AND EVERYTHING…live on your paycheck…if you don’t have money for it: that’s what christmas is for! and birthdays…and saving and waiting…be excited for new things…GO BACK TO SCHOOL…DO IT THIS TIME…no more copping out…I know you have it in you to be very successful and school will help you do that…Stay off the school computers…you can go a few hours a day with out the internet! I hope you realize that you now have less than a year to put out an album if you wanna be in the rock and roll hall of fame by the time you’re 50…I am gonna start (as soon as my throat heals) working dilegently on RELATIVE AND PERFECT pitch…and then practice the guitar a ton! and write lyrics and stuff…by the time you read this you should have plenty…use the money you now have to go into the studio and lay it all down…tell your story…captivate your audience…you will be heard and you will be great!

Remember now that love and beauty are the most important things…all we are are the experiences we have…my experiences now are few…and yours probably will be too…but as you write the letter to your future self like I am doing now…realize that now is the time for you to go out…hopefully you have a Great tan from the outdoor life you are leading…I hope I have managed to get you out of the graveyard shifts…I do try…not enough though…I’ll work on it for you…If you read this and I have failed…I’m sorry…I am not worth much as you well know…but you are one year older and wiser and I trust you to take us to the places we want to be…

The old you,

ZaC

…and another one:

Dear FutureMe, You are now 18!! Don’t look for guys, let them look for you. God will send him to you. He will make you happy, you won’t have to make him happy. He won’t make you cry, sad, or angry. He will keep your faith strong. He won’t let you do anything against God’s will. He will be there for you. He will be your roots, and you are the flower. He will make you strong. And vice versa. God is always watching you. Don’t hide anything, or be afraid, because in the end you will have nothing to lose. We won’t stay in this world forever. make your choices wisely. Please try not to hurt anyone anymore. And NEVER lose that smile, no matter what.

P.S. Your future guy will know what each smile means. Even if you try to deny it.

…one more:

 Dear Ryan,

hopefully you’re caught up enough in the new, exciting world of georgetown to not be feeling the feelings i fear now. i write as the night winds down and the emotions begin to fade into the heavy eyelids of sleep. rachel and i were in the hot tub tonight, peacefully and joyfully and playfully, in the gentle light of our delightfully kitschy christmas lights that, like our relationship, gradually have begun to burn out, but still providing the light for the two of us to bask in in the moment. i can see you in the future wanting, wishing, willing to give anything and everything to be back in this blissful moment and blissful evening and in the bliss that is the high moments of this relationship. this is to be a source of strength for you in your depth of loneliness and self-questioning. you have done the right thing, whatever decision you have made. p.s. if you got rachel pregnant, its your own damn fault. from today, i send you the will to make the way forward. you will persevere. you will overcome the heartache. if it is meant to be, you will be together once again. harken back to tonight, close your eyes and travel back. you were wearing those small blue adidas lined shorts and she her yellow suit that you kept in the bottom drawer. it was a beautiful, comfortable night. ‘georgia’ from ludacris played, and then, in a rough transition, ‘do you believe in magic’. the wispy clouds did their best to obscure the stars and moon. the dog lapped at the water and lunged at my nose lovingly to lick it too. rachel looked serene, but tired from a long week, eager and accepting of your touch and thought. all was well, all were happy. don’t be sad that its over, be glad it happened! stay strong, me!