Scott: Topher and Ryan

Seated on the living-room couch in Clarvoia (the name of the house the boys rent) are (left to right) Topher’s girlfriend LACEE, TOPHER, and RYAN.  As LACEE and TOPHER enjoy an intimate conversation, RYAN interjects periodically with little regard to their ignoring him.  RYAN is all the while consuming massive amounts of peanut butter with a spoon right from the jar.

LACEE:  Okay remember when I was like “Oh screw this” and I totally blew my final epic poem thing for my writing class?  Remember how I didn’t try at all and just wrote ridiculously melodramatic stuff?  Okay, my professor emailed me yesterday and said he liked it so much he thinks I should get it published!  Isn’t that crazy?!

RYAN:  You know what’s crazy?  These chimpanzees, are you guys watching this? (refering to the TV)

TOPHER:  Are you serious?  Wait, have I read this one?

LACEE:  Um, I think so.  Do you remember, it’s about pictures on the wall.

TOPHER:  Oh yeah, and there’s a little earthquake that knocks them all down?

LACEE:  Yeah!  Can you believe it?!

RYAN:  Seriously!  I had no idea they could learn sign language so well! (Again, refering to what’s on TV.  He is faining obliviousness for his own amusement)  

TOPHER:  That’s pretty sweet.

LACEE:  Yeah, but it’s kind of depressing if you think about it.  I mean, it’s starting to seem like the pieces I find repugnant are the only ones that get any attention.

RYAN:  Okay guys, serious question.

LACEE and TOPHER acknowledge RYAN’s query.

RYAN:  (melodramatically)  Why is iliteracy considered a serious problem in this world?  Is it not because millions of capable adults are missing out on the whole textual universe simply because they lack proper schooling?  So now that we know chimpanzee’s can communicate this well via sign language, isn’t it our, nay MY, moral obligation to liberate the masses of monkeys that remain languageless simply because they lack the resources?!  (he shovles a spoonful of peanut butter into his mouth as he waits for a response)

LACEE:  (standing)  Maybe you should write a letter to your Congressman.

TOPHER:  (to LACEE)  You gotta go?

LACEE:  I should.  I have work in the morning.

RYAN:  Alright bye.

TOPHER gets up and walks her to the door.  RYAN turns off the TV.  TOPHER sits back down.

TOPHER:  Dude, do you have to eat so much PB?  You know Lacee’s deathly allergic.

RYAN:  I know, I’m sorry.  It’s just, eating something that has the power to kill makes it all-the-more alluring.  Like I’m eating snake venom or something.