Scott – SP ‘86

If I were to imply that I, Scott Parker, was the result of a Top Secret eugenics project sponsored by the NSA, most would think me insane.  But no delusions of grandeur can account for the blatent fact that I am a genetically superior specimen.  At 22 years of age I am the exact same size I was eight years ago – five foot ten, 125 pounds.  No matter what I eat I appear to lack the ability to gain or lose weight.  I’ve survived two years of Mongolia with it’s rugged climate and “exotic” cuisine (“If you don’t find the hair you ate it”) without an ounce of fluxuation.  I could literaly sit around all day every day stuffing my face with Crisco with no visible change to my physique.  My father’s employment by the National Security Agency makes it all too obvious; my parents were chosen by geneticists and forced to mate resulting in Yours Truly.  My four pudgier siblings, I assume, were just collateral damage.  So to the NSA operatives I assume are reading this right now, I am ready for my genetically superior mate whenever you are.

…because writing crap is better than writing nothing.