Scott: Nights of Catan

Four college students sit in a circle on the floor around a board game called Catan.  A talking CPR practice torso occupies one spot around the board. Their movements are slow and mechanical, each taking his or her turn without a beat.  Pet rats are crawling up and down shoulders unnoticed. This group has mastered casual conversation to the point where the line between facetiousness and sincerity is blurred.

MARIA:  (in her usual weasely voice) So, I have an announcement to make.

BEN:  You’re pregnant.

FLO:  You rolled a seven and you’re steeling my wheat.

MARIA:  I’m in love.

As expected, no reaction.

HALLI:  Who’s the lucky boy?

MARIA:  Actually it’s a lucky girl and it is me.  I am actually in love with my own self.

HALLI:  In actuality?

MARIA:  Yes.

FLO: Well… how can you be sure it’s true love?

CUT TO close up of MARIA entranced by the reflection of her eyes in the bathroom mirror as she brushes her teeth. Her hand drops, she moves in, closes her eyes and kisses, leaving toothpaste smudges on the glass.

CUT BACK TO Group.

MARIA: I can just feel it inside of me.

FLO: What color is it?

MARIA: (tries to feel real hard) Mauve.

FLO nods her head as if giving her approval.

This whole time all four have not let their eyes off the game nor stopped placing pieces and flipping cards methodically.

BEN: (as he takes a rat from his shoulder and places it on the CPR dummy) So Jesse was trying to convince me that cloudy days are actually hotter because the clouds trap in heat waves.

FLO: (overlapping with HALLI) That’s true, ya know.

HALLI: (overlapping with FLO) Oh, sorry, you can’t put Voldomort on the dummy, he doesn’t like the texture.

MARIA: He has a name, you know.

HALLI: Sorry, you can’t put Voldomort on Ichabod. They’re not even from the same fictitious realm.

BEN: He likes it and besides…I just won!

MARIA: (taking a urinating Voldomort off of Ichabod) And we have pee!

Shot of the newly soiled Ichabod (the CPR dummy).

CUT TO MARIA in the office of a kids camp director giving a demonstration of the CPR dummy. She speaks with a much more mature-sounding voice, accompanied by expressive eyebrow movements and snort-laden laughter. Unbeknownst to the director, a middle-aged gentle-looking woman, the slightest fluctuation in MARIA’s enthusiasm, normally common in saleswomen, represents a conscious effort to satirize the role is now forced to play.

MARIA: And of course this guy is completely water-proof. Or girl, excuse me.

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