Brooke: Milk Baths

Edgar never bought milk at noon. It was one of his unwavering rules. The curious young man would stand every day outside the store until at least 12:15 before he was willing to enter.

Penny Jenkins, on the other hand, bought milk every day at noon. It was an unwavering routine. And not only one gallon, but always three at a time.

Edgar was a keen strategist–his no-milk-at-noon policy stemmed from his careful avoidance of Ms. Penny Jenkins. He calculated his daily entrance into the grocery store to correspond directly with Penny’s exit.

You see, the first and last time he ever bought milk at noon, he embarrassed himself terribly and vowed he would never do it again.

This unfortunate occasion had also been carefully thought-out (Edgar was a strategist in every respect). He had not always avoided Penny Jenkins. In fact, he spent many years of his life strategically placing himself in her presence. On this particular day, Edgar placed himself (very strategically) in the dairy aisle at 12:00 precisely. When Penny walked in, he straightened his shirt, and mustered up his best smile-prepared to employ his finest polite-conversation skills. Unfortunately, Penny Jenkins in her bright yellow sundress left him positively dumbstruck. She leaned down and grabbed her three gallons of milk so quickly (and with such little notice of Edgar) that all he managed to stammer before she walked away was-”Hello Ms. Penny why do you buy so much milk all the time?”

With this Penny Jenkins swung around, milk jugs balanced in her arms.

“You really wanna know?” She asked, stepping forward.

Edgar gulped and nodded. A playful smile played on Penny’s lips and she leaned forward, so close.

“Milk baths.” She almost whispered.

“Milk baths?” Edgar asked.

“Milk baths. For smoother skin.”

Then she flounced away to the checkout counter, bought her milk and left.

Edgar bought 3 gallons of milk that day, and tried taking a milk bath in hopes he would have silky smooth skin.

All it managed to do was make him smell funny.